Elaine has a working class backround, and understands the trials of life. Here she shares some of her thoughts on many different topics
Back to Blog
Peter Somerville, gone but not forgotten xx
23/9/55 - 02/08/2008
My thoughts on this have differed over the years. When our loved ones pass over to the spirit side they are able to contact us straight away IF the conditions are right. If there is so much grief that we think we want to only hear certain things, when we don't get to hear what we think we want to hear or we dismiss the evidence they give, then we normally think they havn't been in touch. I've realised this is just ourselves that's closed off a bit? it's usually because it's the actual physical person we are missing and probably not in the right frame of mind to accept the physical has gone. It's hard but when we are ready for someone to pass, either we don't want to see them in pain any longer or they don't have the energy to stay and we can see it's their time. It doesn't mean we don't grieve, it means we're ready to let them go and be in peace and pain free knowing it's out of love, it's putting that person first. When my husband Peter passed, i didn't want him to obviously, the same as anyone, but i was ready and prepared for his passing and accepted nothing, no amount of praying, sending out thoughts, new treatment, meds etc was going to make that difference. I rang at 9.30pm nightly to the hospice to speak to him, say goodnight from me and our kids and tell him how much we loved him. The night he passed 2/8/2008 i'd fell asleep and missed calling him, at 1.22am i felt as though i was shook by the shoulder and i woke up, reached for the phone and something instinctively told me i wasn't going to get an answer, i felt the love from him and heard him say "I love you and the kids, tell them and look after them" . He'd came to me as he took his transition, he passed at 1.25am..my kids obviously took it really hard and i had to be strong for them, the most heartbreaking thing in my life was to tell my kids their dad had passed and they wouldn't be able to see him, touch him or talk to him again, but he left signs all over for them. My daughter would wake up to find feathers on her pillow (not feather pillows) in her books, amongst toys and special songs would play, my son would get feathers or he'd want to go somewhere and miraculously he'd get opportunities and he'd smell his dad too. It's nearly 11 years and he still gives us signs he's about. Our loved ones are always drawn where there's love and there's lots here for him!
On the other side of things, i've known people lose someone and want them through so much,it's took a long time in some cases years for them to know they've been through but hadn't been ready to accept them as the grief has been so overwhelming and they've not been ready to let go.
Before you think letting go means forgetting someone, it definately doesn't, it simply means your ready to let go of the hurt. Grief is love with nowhere to go, it comes out in tears and many ways. And grief definately comes in stages, not many people like to admit but anger at the person that passed is one of the stages, and how you overcome it depends on yourself.