What exactly is personal growth?
There are different understandings of this but it all comes down to one thing...growth of the person's awareness. That means being more aware of your surroundings and people, how you speak to people, words or phrases you use, how your actions have a reaction, how you treat others and how you speak and act towards others which is reflected by your growth. Kindness sparks kindness
If you're an impatient person who wants or expects everything NOW, that shows traits of selfishness, thoughtlessness and shows a person who seeks attention (not always the best attention, as any attention is better than none..right?) wrong...with personal growth you become more aware that the world doesnt revolve around you and at times patience is needed, thus turning the selfishness to selflessness, thoughtfulness and the good attention. It can be acheieved wien practising mindfulness. Ideally with self-development that feeling of impatience will dissipate as the awareness of how an action causes a reaction.
I've lost count of the times i've had to bite my tongue as someone has started a sentance with "I'm not being funny but..." course they're being "funny" because i havn't done things their way or how they think it should be done, but they've not looked at their behaviour or words they use or how they have viewed their "use" of me at that time. I've had to walk away, delete a message a few times or said i'll call them back, it's usually as i've hoped they've thought of their approach, changed the tone, or at times i've had to change my thoughts and reactions!
If you think you can grow as a person by doing all the looking within exercises and say to yourself "that's it i've done them, now i've grown" without letting it digest, be thought about or wanting to rush into another way of self-development, it's probably not having an effect on you and there will be little to no growth actually happening.
Personal growth does start from inside, by way of thought patterns, mindset and actually putting things into practise with actions.
One of the first things you can do for yourself is declutter and/or organise your home, as you can equate it to your mind. When i was life coaching, the first thing i would do would be to actively help someone declutter their homes (only one room or section!) and explain how our thoughts can turn dark and in on ourselves just like the clutter we have in our homes. It's surprising what an effect decluttering can have, it leaves you feeling energised, refreshed and accomplished! I recommend not holding onto things "just in case". If you have items which are too good to be thrown out, pop along to your local charity shop as they would be grateful, bigger items or when you have lots of items, a charity shop can arrange collection. Get them out as quick as you can to stop yourself from being swayed.
Work through one room at a time, clear a day so your not interrupted, make a schedule or a note in your diary and STICK TO IT.
As you clear the clutter you will find your mind clears a little as well.
Have you made plans to meet a friend, go for a walk, meditate, have a relaxing time with a hot drink sat in the garden, home improvement, DIY in fact anything! Then chose to not bother as you couldn't be bothered or not feeling upto it...isn't it awful when efforts needed...but effort will be easy and you won't feel the effort if it's something you really want to do. With an awareness of others feelings and reactions, you'll want to make an effort, you'll want to meet a friend or something with others. With an awareness of others you'll stop thinking of yourself but think of maybe, the person you are letting down by cancelling , they might have been looking forward to a different face, different topic of conversation but if you only look at your own wants....
So looking at reactions to your reactions and words are important for your own self-awareness.
It is true what they say, how you treat or speak to someone or surroundings very much says more about you than others. You'll find people make allowances but if the behaviour goes on then you notice people backing off from you or they'll conveniantly "forget about you" This is basically them putting a stop to your behaviour or treatment towards them, this is them recognising their own self worth.
When there is self-development, we start to realise and think about our words, actions and behaviours can affect and the effects. We gain foresight in respect of actions and reactions, we gain a positive mindset and thought process, seeing solutions instead of problems, we overcome obstacles instead of being stopped in our tracks.
So if your embarking on a path of self discovery, take the time to digest, open your mind to thinking outside of yourself and don't be too quick to rush into "i've done it, what can i do now?" you are a work in progress, constantly growing and flowing.
Do we always feel love or see it when it hits us in the face? How many times have you only noticed when it doesn't seem to be there?
Here are a few words i was inspired to write about love being like water...
Love pours out or can dry up, it can shape, mould and define us. How many times through our lives do we change things when we feel we're stagnating? It can be something we love doing, people we love the company of or in relationships.
Water is the same, water can become stale or stagnant and what do we do then? Some people add more water to refresh and add a bit more body or life to it, some people change the water completely not giving the stale stagnating a chance...love is the same. in relationships, whether a romantic, friend or yourself relationship, we can feel stale or stagnant if we don't see it going anywhere, some people put effort into the love they share or freshen it up by taking time to share with others, and some people end relationships cutting everything off...very much like water.
When love flows we feel happy, it's not challenging, its not negative but it's peaceful when everything goes smooth....
water flows down a river and an ocean is so inviting when the weather's calm and the sun is shining, everything is peaceful and tranquil. When the weather changes and there's a storm or rocks in a river, water crashes and bangs and is rough through a storm, anyone out in boats or out beside the water pray and hope the storm passes and they make it through.
Love is the same, there's hard times and experiences we all go through that can challenge us and try to break us.
We do the same as those out in water at rough times, we hope and pray to get through it and learn from that experience, just like on the water they prepare better for the next time.
Love should be unconditional and always there, maybe not always be able to see it but we might hear it in kind words or actions. Just like love, water is always there, whether you know it or not. Walk along any street or town centre and you might think your miles from water but...water runs through pipes under the sidewalks and walkways....
Sometimes we are surprised by where we are shown love. You might not feel it or see it, but it might be just one smile from someone or a selfless act someone will do for you and you feel a glimmer of something but you can't put a finger on it.
How many of us have gone through times when we felt totally abandoned by love and left feeling empty, devoid of any feelings of love wondering when it's going to come along again? when will someone show love by saying or doing something nice?
It's like being in a desert, no signs of water
When the conditions are right, we get further through that hard time and we are ready...we see love has been there all the time.
So what is love?
It's always there, unseen, unheard but always in the background.
Do you struggle with the term God? Think of an old man sitting behind the pearly gates? maybe it makes you think of religion and you had enough of that at school or maybe too much of the use of the word God?
I know how you feel....I've spoke to a lot of people lately who have those thoughts and more. As i was growing up i associated the word God with religion and conformity, i'd hear people say "God is watching you" and i associated it with a "fear" which is what a lot of people do without realising. I also couldn't get my head around "him" watching but i could never see "him"
At school and still, i enjoy religious studies, learning about different religions and how a faith can unite and reunite people, all diversities but seperate beliefs, only a slight difference in some cases but a difference all the same. All have spirituality running through them, but also a dogma which a lot of us hold onto and others push it away. Which is where usually, the reluctance to accept God or even understand God comes in.
In my thoughts, i feel it's because some of us aren't ready to love ourselves or be open to our emotional side, the positive love side of us.
A man in a flowing gown has never sat with me, because how could it be a man or a human form if "God " had never been in physical form? So it didn't make sense to me, what does sit with me is this, God is an energy, a creative force that flows and as energy is never ending so is the flow of God. As energy has no boundaries unless harnessed so is God, an abundance of limitless boundaries. Because God is seen as a faith, hope and a trust, a creative force which is a positive, God is ultimately love which is the purest form of emotion.
I went through periods of not liking myself for whatever reason, i let the negative thoughts in, saw my flaws or what percieved were my flaws based on what other people had to say went on on the self sabotage and had a pity party..."why me?" "things went wrong because of something i did" and i ended up doing the "falling out with God" if there was a God why would these things happen, if there was a God why would he give me more misery, if there was a gOd why would he take people out my life, I became a negative person and envious towards other's who i percieved to have what i'd had. I was thinking with my lower self which is the jealousy, bitterness, envy and all the negative traits that are in us all and and maybe even think religion doesn't fit right, which it might not but only when you don't realise that religion is simply a belief and it can all be changed.
Thinking of God as seperate to religion for those who religion doesn't sit right , God is love which is in us all. The creative driving force which propels us on a daily basis to strive for better, be good people, be nice to our loved ones, those closest to us, but also to smile at strangers we pass in the street, think good thoughts when we hear of good deeds. This is the higher self, the God spark that fills us with love, confidence, boosts our self esteem, happiness and all the positive traits.
God is hope.
Religion is the belief in a controlling power which God is or can be for many, a trust, a way of life, a thought process.
As a child at school i had a healthy attitude to religion, for me it was unlimiting, it was one religion covered all, i'd join clubs held by different religions and i loved the mix. I'm very much the same today, i'm a spiritualist as i believe and know we live on, death doesn't end us. But i freely accept each religions and love to learn more about many religions, the different gods in religions and culture in general. I'm all for a melting pot of people, backrounds and religions. What doesn't sit well with me is when a religion rules your life and changes you, so if God is love and basically an energy we all carry, religion is a man made organisation it can only be a human that puts the dogma there and it is a physical human being setting the rules and regulations that are thrust upon us. This for me, is where the confusion happens, its actually not God we go against, its the religious rules and regulations we go against. My thoughts have always varied on this but ultimately i always come back to God is love and kindness in ourselves and when we "fall out with God" or "God doesnt sit right with me" we're actually not liking parts of ourselves or our life isn't going how we think it should.
It used to make me cringe when i heard people say the word "God" back years ago when i'd "fell out" and went through a phase that God didn't exist, i'd still go to church but would keep my head up and eyes open, when someone said "let's bow our heads and pray" i'd have my phone inside a hymn book and play a game when it came to hymns or songs and i'd mouth blah, blah, blah or just move my mouth to make it look like i was singing. These were my acts of defiance against a God that i'd fell out with. When i look back at those times, i chuckle to myself and think i must have still believed in something to be in the church in the first place, and ive went to church all my life!
My Mom would have to take me as a child because i wanted to go, then a sunday school teacher would pick me up as i grew a little older until finally i was old enough to go along with different clubs i was in...The Girls Brigade, Brownies, Girl Guides. At church youth clubs i'd always be drawn to the people who were interested in the God side of things and we'd find we'd talk to those running the clubs about God etc. I'd attend a baptist church, pentecostal, united reformed, catholic, protestant, methodist, brethren (can't remember the denomination) and would take part in regular bible studies, scripture searches and once a week would go with a few friends, to the home of one who would play guitar and his wife would sing and we'd all join in then enjoy pop and biscuits or cakes then chat about God, they were great times! One of my Sunday school teachers from my childhood, a lovely purely spiritual lady called Theresa, i visited her weekly until a few days before she passed in 2013, i'd help her in her home, i'd talk "god" and took my 2 children to visit her and she'd tell them bible stories, which they enjoyed and still remember her very fondly now. She hadn't believed in life eternal the way i do, but a week before she took ill, she told me she'd seen her beloved husband who was the pastor of the church and a lovely lovely man, she asked me if she had been dreaming but i'd assured her he was there to be with her through her illness and when the time came he would "take her home" this gave her great peace, and i was pleased she was happy to be reunited with her beloved Jimmy.
I enjoyed the coming together, the community spirit, even though i was a child and teenager but thats always carried forward with me, so GOD has always been in me which i do understand to be LOVE.
I can also recognise i've always been a positive person but have had my times of negativity and when i look back on those, i recognise those are the times ive "fell out with God" basically fell out of love with myself, not liked myself. Instead of recognising that at the time i'd blame God, because i didn't want to take the blame myself! why would i! it wasn't my fault! In reality it was my thought process and understanding that God was an almighty being who watched and saw all, he would have seen the times i "did bad" or "sad bad things" or "wished bad to others" so of course he was going to fall out with me, BUT he couldn't if i fell out with him first!
I'm not a "bible basher" nor a "religious freak" nor do i live my life by a religious rules or regulations, but i live my life as me, by me but with God by my side and within me, that is love.
The universe is energy and a greater power, a cosmic power that has it's own universal laws which are natural laws, i prefer to live my life by natural laws and the universe.
So if it helps you to understand what God is and how you can build that relationship with God, think of love and letting love in, allow yourself to let love into your heart.
It genuinely gives you a lift and puts a smile on your heart.
So let God in and watch the changes for the better within and in your life. When you hear anyone say God bless, remember they are saying be blessed with love.
Vision boards, dream boards have been shown to work in many ways. Celebrities and business people use them and i've used them a few times.
What your actually doing is physically creating a vision of what you want to manifest, and it's one of the simplest ways.
I'm going to explain the easiest way to make one, that will work for you
A quick tip to finding your hearts desire.
Our busy lives mean we lose sight on our life's purpose at times, this exercise helps to bring that back.
1 ~ Find a quiet space and sit as comfortable as possible, with your back straight, uncrossed legs and hands in your lap
2 ~ Set an intention to relax deeply, remembering everything that happens during the visualisation, to truly benefit from it
3 ~ Close your eyes and take a deep breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Take a total of seven breaths and with each exhale, imagine your going deeper and deeper into relaxation, becoming calmer as your thoughts slow
4 ~ Now imagine you're walking in a town centre, along a busy street. Imagine the shops and buildings as you pass by. Notice if it is daytime or night-time. Walk with a spring in your step and watch yourself as though you were watching another person. As you walk, people jostle you as they pass by. You come to a street corner, turn left and ahead of you is a huge advertising billboard
5 ~ Stop and read the billboard, it's promoting and acknowledging what is great about you. Does it show a picture of you with someone else? Have you won an award? Is it a book you have written? What does the text say? Set your intention to recall all your first thoughts about it
6 ~ Now take a deep breath and slowly bring yourself back into the present, breathing normally
7 ~ Take a few moments to write down what came to mind in your visualisation and reflect on any insights.
This is a great way to remind yourself about yourself!
A few years ago after my husband had passed, i wasn't feeling in the best of places, i realised i had turned into someone i didn't like.
I'd had a lot of negativity around me, people, gossip, rumours and influences, the activity leading upto and surrounding Peter's passing had finally pulled me down and turned me into a person who just didn't like or love themselves. Everything i seemed to do turned to mush, felt everything was karma coming back to me, though my intention was pure (or so i thought, not realising i was carrying the negative energies i had soaked up) I, like many, thought i needed love to make me feel "whole" or "better".
I was talking to a friend who is a white witch and asked her about spells or anything that could help bring love into my life. She told me a couple of ways, reciting daily affirmations (i didn't try it then, as i wanted FAST results!) and setting an altar, which i thought was a bit much or a bit too witchy but thought i'll try it...it worked in a way i definately didn't see coming!
It worked for me so i KNOW it CAN work for you!
A lesser known secret...
You can empower yourself by calling on one of your idols in the spirit world to help you follow your dreams.
Celebrities in the spirit world are keen to share their gifts too, act almost as a mentor to help you with your dreams, hopes and aspirations, all you have to do is ask for their help!
A few years ago i'd been wondering about it for a little while, thoughts of it would just randomly pop into my head and decided to try. I'd actually not heard about it before, so i visualised the person i was asking, i was kind of blown away and didn't quite trust if i'd saw right. But after a short while i was sat in trance in front of an audience, sure enough as the audience were saying who they could see, the name Cleopatra came out...yes i'd asked Cleopatra queen of the Nile to help in a particular way, and she had!
Give this a try and find out for yourself.
Hold a picture of the person you would like to connect to or write their name down. Gazing at the picture or their name, imagine them coming to life, take notice of the clothes they wear, how do they sound and how do they smell.
Sitting quietly, close your eyes, imagine your celebrity helper coming towards you, taking their hand when they offer it, ask for their help, be clear and detailed in how you would like their help. Take some deep breaths and visualise your celebrity helper bathing you in a golden light. You feel light, bright and ready to take on the world and move forward.
Be open to signs they will give you to let you know they're around you and helping you. This could be a few days or a few weeks, but watch and listen as signs come in the strangest of ways and unexpected places.
Thoughts are living thinds..we are all energy, thoughts included. It is so easy to think angry or unkind thought's about other's and ourself when things don't go the way we think they should but, you'll find when you do that..you'll go through a patch when everything seems to go wrong because you'll see everything through the same eyes, the negative eyes. It will seem that you are attracting negative energy and you are as thats all you see. When this happens, it's an ideal time to sit back and reflect on each occurence and see what they all have in common, that's usually what needs to be looked at and how you can look with a fresh perspective. This can be done by meditation when you meditate on yourself and your willing to look at your flaws openly and honestly and not "hiding" from them. It can be a revelation what you might see, as it also can show your good points and in turn it will help you to release and let go of negative thoughts and feelings about yourself and others.
You will actually feel the weight of carrying negativity lift, as it takes a lot more effort to ;keep in a negative frame of mind. Generally a negative mindset can result in tiredness, loss of focus in areas that you feel "bore" you or thinking in general that you know better or your thoughts are better. This is the sign of a closed mind, one that isnt open to other's opinions or thoughts.
That being said, we all have life's stresses and worries and if we use them as an excuse or crutch that can also pull our thinking down. It's recognising that we do that as an excuse for behaviours and how we can correct that behaviour to a healthier way of thinking and behaving that will make a difference.
Walks in the fresh air whether on a beach, a forest or anywhere there is nature or the flora and the fauna is ideal, getting away from the humdrum of life can quieten the mind allowing us to lift and seperate the thoughts, prioritising what we need to and freshen our perspective. Basically shifting the focus from in our own minds. If you live in remote places or at the beach, then the mind may be too still and boredom sets in, in which case a visit into a city or crowded area would stimulate your mind which would have a beneficial effect.
When looking at our own flaws, it can be a very revealing time. We will experience a range of emotions as we deal with what we see. It's healthy and if we're open to personal growth it won't be too bad feeling the emotions as we're able to let them go. We don't criticize our behaviours or flaws, we begin to analyze and learn from them thus helping the personal growth to happen.
When you conciously choose to expand your personal growth, you'll begin to experience a change of energy within, your demeanour changes, you actually carry yourself in a more confident way as you give off positive vibrations and energy, your self esteem is boosted which again boosts your confidence. In realty your creating a healthier circle and not a vicious circle. As you see the positive effects it becomes easier and less effort to actively remain positive.
You'll find your friends begin to change as your vibrational frequency changes, you'll begin to question the important things in your life, where is your employment going in 5/10 years, where can you see yourself living in 5/10 years, how can you see yourself in 5/10 years etc in reality what you are doing is setting your goals, building your dreams and hopes. Your setting your intentions, forward thinking and building on the now. Your friends begin to change as your ideals change, its not to say you won't be friends but you'll find time spent together or socialising becomes less as your priorities change. Where your priorities go, you'll make friends there too, so not only are you changing friends your actually increasing your circle of friends.
Work or employment can change, as you've set your dreams, hopes and goals, you'll start to see openings happening. job opportunities, doors opening, contacts being made, sometimes self employment or promotions will come in subtly though it must be noted that sometimes it can happen like a bolt from the blue!
Finances can change, surroundings and in many many ways the changes can occur. It's even good to realise that recycling and an awareness of the environment can occur as your thoughts and mindsets are changed.
Becoming more spiritually aware, doesnt mean your going to become a medium over night or even that you will suddenly have an awareness that you didn't have before. It means your becoming more aware of what feeds your soul, what nourishes the soul and more importantly, how joys and blessings can be manifested into your life.
There's a native American parable you might have heard...
which wolf do you feed?
The evil wolf who is hungry for anger, envy, sorrow, regret, arrogance, greed, guilt, self-pity, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego? This wolf is also your inner critic
The good wolf, he is joy, peace, hope, compassion, love, humility, serenity, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth and faith.
Which one wins is the one you choose to feed...
Next time you notice your thinking has become a bit clouded or judgemental, check your thoughts and think of which wolf is being fed
Hope you enjoyed this blog and hopefully it might have made sense to you and answered some questions that have been running in your mind.
Which wolf are you feeding?
A medium's role primarily, is to prove life exists after the physical death. Giving evidence of a loved one's existance by character, description, shared memories, hobbies and being the voice for spirit.
A medium's role is also to help with healing grief, which can be gained by the evidence and proving that life does, in fact go on. When a loved one passes over, we tend to focus on the passing, an illness or the reasons why someone has passed. In fact virtually everyone that passes has had a lifetime or their lifetime of more than illness or sadness, when a loved one makes contact, they like to recognise their life and maybe the happy times, taking you to happier times to remember them by.
Remembering loved ones at happier times can help with grief immensly.
A medium is essentially the voice for the spirit side, and as a medium i look at it this way...if i can try my best for the spirit side, to connect to them in the best way for them, to let their loved ones know they live on and are around them, then ive done my bit.
Personal responsibility is a large part of connections, as a medium moves their mind and allows spirits mind to come in, we have a responsibility to them to not distort or change their messages or evidence, this can happen if we, as mediums don't allow that shift to take place but allow our own judgements and opinions to cloud the connection. Every connection will be different and i believe it's a mediums reponsibility to allow a natural shift in energy to take place. Allowing this to take place takes dedication and development with the spiritual and personal growth.
How can we be the voice of spirit?
We can open as many ways as possible, abilities, recognising from the sensing, seeing and hearing, knowing what is our own thoughts and what is spirits.
Elaine has a working class backround, and understands the trials of life. Here she shares some of her thoughts on many different topics